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17 entries this month
22:37 Aug 30 2012
Times Read: 534
Through this journey I have learned a few things-
Not everyone is cut out to be a Dr. or a Nurse. It takes a special person in order to be one of these. Almost anyone can go and get the certification, but it takes someone that is above and beyond in order to actually BE one. I've seen some people say they were a Dr. or Nurse./ or going to be one or the other and couldn't believe it. I just hope that that extra bit flourishes and they aren't just doing the actions, but actually care. You can tell the ones that care. Those are the ones that make a difference in the world.
I've also learned that I am sick and tired of people and their falseness. I am flat out sick of it. If you are going to be my friend, then be my friend. Don't smile at me while on the inside you want to punch me. Don't waste my time. Don't send me false notions and think it will be okay. And stop dwelling on trivial shit when more important matters are at hand. I know that some people are my friends and they have things going on. I get that, but in the end they really CARE and they think of me and we are genuinely concerned for each other.
I am so sick of it. Just flat out tired. I have a 'friend' here that does my hair. And she doesn't even know if I am dead or alive. I told her I was having surgery and in the hospital. And I haven't heard a damn thing other than 'We'll be thinking of you'. That was last week. I refuse to text her. I refuse to go the extra mile anymore. That is finished.
There are not very many people that I will go to bat for but let me tell you, Ducky (Nekirena) is one of those people I will. She has been one of the people who have called to check on me and let me know she is there. She has been there for me over these past few weeks, without just knowing she was there, I don't think I would have came as far as I have. So the person who is leaving her shitty honor, while you have that right to do what you want, Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you right in the ass with a pineapple. Since I have a pretty good idea of who it is (and no I will not say who I believe it is) you deserve the shitty life you have. Asshole.
I've just realized I am so done with so many things while all this stuff was happening. I love being the smiley nice person. It made my experience better. One of the Dr.'s even complimented me that I was one of the patients that made his day. I always had a huge smile for him and I was always so sweet. And he just sighed happy at me and smiled. That made me feel good. Being who I am makes me feel good. I had hugs from the nurses when they found out I was leaving. I had moments where we just hung out and talked at night. I will treasure all those people who touched my heart (and my insides too lol) over this journey.
I am going to start a new journey soon. Since I was 18 I've had a lot of things happen in my life. Up until this point I thought I was handling them, but I'm not. I need help. I need someone to help me mentally. I need to stop being so reclusive and be me. And I need to stop just blowing things off that bother me. While I always feel you need to pick and choose your battles, I am not going to just blow off certain things.
This is what I meant by a change. These things need to be done for me.
I just hope that I have the strength to carry on with them.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for you genuine well wishes and concern. I thank you for your prayers, your blessings and the moments that I crossed your mind and you genuinely cared for me. Thank you. They mean more to me than I could ever express. Thank you seems so small in comparison to how I really feel.
21:02 Aug 29 2012
Times Read: 573
I am home. I've showered and feel more human. I am damn sore mostly in my back from it locking up yesterday. A lil in front not bad.
Pizza and salad for din din. Hah. And then a pain pill.
No more stinky moonie!!!! Yay!!!
03:17 Aug 28 2012
Times Read: 608
I am feeling wonderful. I have only a lil pain. I've been sleeping on and off. Tomorrow I may get to go home.
I am so happy its over.
20:50 Aug 26 2012
Times Read: 635
Haha I just watched my nurse lay the smack on a breathing specialist. It was pretty awesome.
20:00 Aug 25 2012
Times Read: 672
Well out of icu. Which is a great thing. Means my levels are regulating. They put me in a private room because of my limitations. It has a cute couch and a window!
I have a lot I want to say, but its way too long to type on the phone. My mind is swirling with a lot of thoughts about just people in general and certain ideas.
Ahhh the wonders of the mind.
17:37 Aug 25 2012
Times Read: 694
I am getting ancy to get this over with. Just a couple more days. They are planning on moving me out of the icu at some point. We'll see how that goes.
Today is going to be a quiet day. I told my dad to just stay home. I need the quiet and thinking right now. I am not scared, or really nervous, just ready to be done and be home. I have a feeling this has been going on for awhile. Change is in the air after I get situated.
23:29 Aug 23 2012
Times Read: 715
Tomorrow is the scope at 10 am. Then perhaps within the next.few days they will remove it. Hopefully. I get to eat something, but they forgot a tray.
Yeehaw.
21:35 Aug 22 2012
Times Read: 748
So far this is where its at:
They are going to redo the procedure of the tube and scope to get more stones. I have a stint in now, but they.would rather see if they can get more stones before surgery. It is a lot easier to do the scope again, then have to re open me if stones get lose. Then after a few days they will remove my gallbladder. I made it clear I want it out before I leave. I'm over this.
I also made it clear I want a damn sammich lol
Ima get jello bishes!
13:29 Aug 22 2012
Times Read: 782
Now I have to see the hematologist about my factor 5. Its a defect gene that makes me clot too much and can cause clots. Since being on blood thinners, they had to give me some plasma because I was a lil thin.
Yay learning about mooniepie and her funkies!
Ps. I have boogers.
12:10 Aug 22 2012
Times Read: 794
They just came in an talked with me. They couldnt remove the stone from the duct. So they may go in and remove my gall bladder today.
My throat is damn sore from that tube thingy. Ugh.
I sound like an old lady. Hah
And leave my abundance of peroids alone, morri. I'm too lazy to take them out lolol
03:16 Aug 22 2012
Times Read: 825
I am feeling much better. They went in via my throat and removed the blockage from the stones in the duct of my gallbladder. Now its waiting to see when they will do the.removal. it will be before I go.home.
I miss my peoples.
Thank you for sending me your well wishes.
I cant.wait till I can get back on my laptop.
15:28 Aug 21 2012
Times Read: 848
Today is the first proceeder. To remove the.stones. surgery will be for removal before I.go.home.
07:03 Aug 20 2012
Times Read: 914
I have pancreatitis. I probably spelled it wrong. I am being admitted and they are going to do surgery. Just dunno what kind yet.
04:59 Aug 20 2012
Times Read: 938
I came into the ER a few hours ago. They aren't sure whats wrong but they have a feeling my.gall bladder may need to come out and I have some kinda irritation/infection with my pancreas.
I just had a cat scan and they are going to see if I need surgery tonight. O.o
At least the drugs are good. Heh.
22:52 Aug 19 2012
Times Read: 954
Ugh. I need to realize there are some things I can't eat anymore. I feel like total hell. Blah.
03:02 Aug 12 2012
Times Read: 986
If you call or text me and I dont answer I'll get back with you. I might be MIA for a few days.
23:05 Aug 03 2012
Times Read: 1,036
I really have to laugh. There is nothing greater than a big dose of karma wrapped up in a huge ' I told you so'. It makes me point and go ha ha as I go on my merry way.
In other news.. yayayaya The New Odd Thomas book came. I am super stoked. -squee-
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COMMENTS
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Terminus
22:41 Aug 30 2012
Sometimes, ya just gotta call it like ya see it :-)
Nekirena
22:43 Aug 30 2012
I love you.
:)
MooniePie
22:48 Aug 30 2012
Yes I do, T.
and THANK YOU for being there through this journey for me too. You were another supporter I had that always let me know they were there. It was scary, but with the love and support I had, it made it a little better.
sahahria
01:02 Aug 31 2012
I know I am often silent, except in comments here and there *big failing of mine*.
But you muh Biddy are far stronger than you know. Unlike the brittle strength that people often try to put forward, you have a strength that has come through challenge, heart ache and hurt; that you choose to be happy makes you stronger than any challenge you will ever face.
Know that. Honor that as you did, and you will shine brighter than you think.
MistakenMuse
05:21 Aug 31 2012
You are strong and you will make the changes that need to happen.
-hugs-
Isis101
03:52 Sep 01 2012
I have to remind myself that you're about half my age, yet you write and think like a person way beyond your young years.
Admitting that you need help on he road to recovery - and in life in general - is a big step. A lot can be said for common sense...
Some people will always be what I call 'air-kiss' friends. They spew out those coined phrases that you always here, yet rarely mean a word of it. It would be better if they said nothing at all - at least that would be more genuine.
And it is good that you have a dear friend in Ducky. Frankly, I don't get why someone would dislike her, as she is such a sweet person...maybe jealously at knowing this, and not being able to be a good person themself? Meh...who knows what's in the mind of an asshole.
PhoenicianDream
09:48 Sep 03 2012
But but... you know I want to donkey punch you ♥